hotel room ftw
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
