would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
