PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
