i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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