Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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