just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
