theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
