Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap