after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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