He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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