This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
