**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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