Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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