THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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