how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
