That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
