i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
