Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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