I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
