Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
