I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
