I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
