My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
