I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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