so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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