I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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