Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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