Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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