where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
