in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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