Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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