He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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