Acid is not a monday night drug
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
