I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
