Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
