i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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