3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
