i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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