dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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