i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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