sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
