im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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