i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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