I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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