well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
