Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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