mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was confusing and full of hummus
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you made out with another girl for some wings
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
