Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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