Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
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is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
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