1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
