Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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