ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
