were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My ass is underappreciated
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
