I just saw a hot homeless man
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
