You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
