I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
