I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
