She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
