he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
