DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
